Adventures of a Rabbit Hobbit
by McCoy's Secret Lover
Summary: Bilbo Baggins was cursed to a be rabbit for a time longer than he could remember. When Gandalf showed up and asked him to accompany him and thirdteen dwarves on a quest to reclaim Erebor, he agreed in hope that he would find a cure to his curse on the journey.
1. Chapter 1: Adventures and Rabbits

A/N: This is a story based off of the artwork of Caylren on deviant art, art/The-Hobbit-Rabbit-Bilbo-357708408 It's really good artwork. The story is slightly AU if you can't tell. Also all characters belong to Tolkien; I'm just playing in the toy box.

**Chapter 1: Adventures and Rabbits**

In a hole in the ground lived a hobbit named Bilbo Baggins, but this hobbit was different than the others. Bilbo Baggins was a rabbit, cursed this way for longer than he could remember. He longed for this curse to be broken but so far had found nothing to lift it. There was one upside to the curse though. Every full moon like a werewolf he changed. Except instead of turning into an animal, he turned into a hobbit. He had learned to just accept his lot in life and try to make the best of it.

Bilbo Baggins sat outside of his home enjoying the morning air, smell of flowers, and sunshine. Letting the sun warm his fur and contemplating going inside to enjoy second breakfast, Bilbo didn't notice anyone was there until a shadow fell across him blocking out the sun and his warmth. Eyes snapping open immediately, he stares up at whoever is there. In front of him is an elderly Man dressed in a grey cloak with a gray scarf around his neck, a pointed gray hat on his head, a long gray bread, and a gnarled staff in his hand. The old man doesn't seem surprised to see a rabbit in clothes sitting outside a small home in the hill. It seems like the old man knows who he is.

"Good morning." Bilbo says politely.

The old man smiling replying, "What do you mean? Do you mean to wish me a good morning or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not. Or perhaps you mean to say you feel good on this particular morning or are you simple stating that this is a morning to be good on?"

Confused Bilbo answers, "All of them at once I suppose."

The old frowns and stares at Bilbo. Bilbo feeling confused and uncomfortable decides to find out what the old man wants.

"Can I help you?" The old man stares for a moment before replying.

"That remains to be seen. I'm looking for someone to go on an adventure."

Bilbo is surprised but asks, "An adventure? What sort of adventure?"

The old man smiles a little and says, "One that will take too far away places. If you are willing, the others and myself can come by later and discuss the adventure with you."

Bilbo thinks about it for a moment before replying, "Alright. I'll have someone help me prepare dinner. How many of you will there be?"

"A total of 14, myself and 13 others. If that is not asking too much."

"Oh no, it is fine. I will just have to have a lot of food made is all."

The old man smiles and starts to walk off. Bilbo realizes he never caught the old man's name. He calls out to him.

"Wait, you never told me your name."

The old man huffs but smiles a tiny bit. He stares a little before answering.

"My name is Gandalf and Gandalf means me."

Bilbo is genuinely surprised and it must have shown because the wizard frowns a little.

"Not Gandalf the wandering wizard who made such wonderful fireworks. I loved watching them. I thought you were no longer in business."

Gandalf looks a little put off by that and asks, "And where else would I be?"

Bilbo blushes and stutters before saying, "Right, well I shall see you later Gandalf." He turns and hops off towards the door. He looks back before going in to see Gandalf still standing there. He huffs and goes back inside, he has a lot to do so supper will be ready tonight. Gandalf waits until Bilbo gets inside to walk up to the door and a carve a rune into it so the dwarves can find the place if they show up before him before leaving. Tonight will be very amusing for him to watch.

_Please comment and let me know what you think._

A/N: No real update to story, just made some grammar and spelling corrections for the chapter.


	2. Chapter 2: An Expected Party

A/N: So here's the next chapter. I've now realized that this story may indeed be a bit of a crack fic. I stole a lot of lines from the film too. Enjoy!

**Chapter 2: An Expected Party**

Once inside of his home, Bilbo begins going through everything he will need tonight in his head. He realizes that he doesn't know who his guests will be or what they will be and therefore the amount of food he will need. Bilbo decides to just act like they are hobbits and have a lot of food prepared for them. Bilbo hops to his pantry but realizes he'll need help taking stock of what he had so he goes next door to Hamfast Gamgee's home to ask for it. He finds him in the garden, tending to the plants.

"Good morning Hamfast."

Hamfast startles a little and looks around before spotting where the voice came from. He notices Bilbo sitting beside him watching.

"Good morning Mr. Baggins. How can I help you?"

"Really Hamfast, I've told you to just call me Bilbo and I could use your help. Gandalf is coming tonight with thirteen others for supper and I need to take stock of what I have in my pantry."

"I'll gladly help Mr. Baggi-Mr. Bilbo. If you like, I can get some of the other hobbits to help make food and set the table and what not."

Bilbo smiles a little before replying, "Thank you Hamfast that would be gratefully appreciated."

Most hobbits love Bilbo, except the Sackville-Baggins, despite him being a rabbit and he has no trouble with them. He loves the other hobbits, except the Sackville-Baggins, as well but most of the time felt uncomfortable because it's awkward being a rabbit that can talk and dress in clothes. The Sackville-Baggins hate him because he got Bag End, when quote "a rabbit does not need to have a hobbit hole all to himself when he can't possible reach anything in it." Bilbo has been cursed as a rabbit for as long as he can remember and for the life of him could not remember who his parents were. He had been wondering through the shire for a few years when Bungo Baggins and Belladonna Baggins nee Took took him in and gave him the last name of Baggins. They treated him like he was their son and before they died they made sure to give Bilbo Bag End so he would have somewhere comfortable to stay, even if it was much too large for him to use anything. The Sackville-Baggins had been outraged because they wanted Bag End and everything that came with it, including Bungo and Belladonna's wealth.

Bilbo hops alongside Hamfast as they head into Bag End. When they reach the pantry, Hamfast begins making a list of everything there. The meats and cheeses and things like that were up on the top shelves, while the vegetables were on the bottom where Bilbo can reach them in rabbit form. Hamfast finishes making the list and looks down to Bilbo, showing him what he has.

"Well Mr. Bilbo, you should have plenty of food for fourteen people. What do you want served to your guest?"

Looking at the list Bilbo just decides to go ahead and basically empty the entire pantry for them. He most likely will decide to go on this adventure if it isn't too dangerous, and if it is, he can always have Hamfast take him to the market and help him buy more.

"Go ahead and just put out everything for them Hamfast. I don't know exactly who they are or what they are, so I plan on acting like they are hobbits and have a whole lot of food."

"Smart thing to do Mr. Bilbo, anything extra can always be stored for another time. Now, I'm going to go fetch the other hobbits to help prepare and set up. I'll be back soon." Bilbo watches as Hamfast walks away and leaves the house. Knowing they will want his input on what should be made and where everything should go, Bilbo heads towards the kitchen. He hops on a chair and then onto the table and waits until they return.

Not long after he left Hamfast came back with nine other hobbits in tow. Five female hobbits to do the cooking and four other males to help move things around. Hamfast looks around and doesn't spot Bilbo anywhere.

"Mr. Bilbo?"

"I'm in the kitchen Hamfast," comes the reply. Hamfast and the others head towards the kitchen and find Bilbo sitting on the table waiting for them.

"Hello everyone. If you don't mind, I would like to get started right away. I am not quite sure when my guests will arrive and I would like to have everything ready when they do arrive."

Hamfast's wife steps forward and smiles at him before replying, "We don't mind Mr. Baggins, we know the feeling. Just tell us what you want and we'll get started." With that, Bilbo begins directing the women on what to make and the men on where he wants the food put out and where he wants places set for the guests. They work quickly and hard and within a few hours, everything was ready.

As he escorts the other hobbits out of the door Bilbo thanks them.

"Thank you all for all of your hard work." Hamfast and the others just smile before Hamfast replies to him.

"It was no problem Mr. Baggins. We were happy to help. Now, it's probably time for us to head out so we don't disturb your guests when they arrive. Good night Mr. Baggins."

"Good night everyone." The others wish him a good night and leave and Bilbo follows them out to sit in front of the door outside, Hamfast closing it for him. As he was sitting there, Bilbo notices a rune carved on his door. He guesses Gandalf has put it there so his guests will know where to go but is still upset.

"The nerve of that wizard. That rune better go away or I'll be having words with him and I'll make him replace the door."

Bilbo continues to sit in front of the door and has been there for an hour when boredom starts to take over. He notices that nearby there were some new flowers that Hamfast has put in for him. He wanders over and is inspecting them when he hears a noise on the path leading up to his home. Looking up quickly to make sure it wasn't Lobelia trying to find a way to get rid of him so she could have Bag End (she's tried before but luckily Hamfast had intervened every time), he sees a tall man leading thirteen shorter people towards his home. 'There's Gandalf, and those must be his guest. They must be dwarves because they're too short to be men or elves and a bit too tall to be hobbits. How exciting this is, I've never met a dwarf before' Bilbo thinks to himself. He moves back in front of the door and waits till they have reached him. Gandalf smiles when he sees Bilbo sitting there.

"Good evening Bilbo."

"Good evening Gandalf. Who are your companions?"

"Ah, yes. Let me introduce you." He moves back a little, but not enough so that the dwarves can properly see Bilbo (it amuses Gandalf greatly that they can't actually see who he is talking to), and points as he gave their names. "That's Dwalin with all the tattoos and his brother Balin. Dori and his brothers Nori and Ori. Bofur is the one with the hat and his brother Bombur is the large fellow and their cousin Bifur is standing with them, he doesn't speak Westron so it's best to find someone to translate what he's saying. Then there's Óin and his brother Glóin, Óin is rather hard of hearing so you'll have to shout if you want him to hear you. Next are Fíli and Kíli, rather rambunctious lads. Finally there is the leader of our company Thorin Oakenshield."

The dwarves meanwhile can't see who Gandalf is talking to and some of them think that he might be talking to no one, afraid the wizard has finally lost it. Once he moves out of the way though, they could see a small rabbit sitting in front of the green door in a waistcoat. Gandalf smirks at the reactions of the company.

"Thorin, allow me to introduce the 14th member of our company, Bilbo Baggins." Thorin and a few of the others gape for a few moments while Fíli, Kíli and Ori all aw at him. Thorin regains some of his composure but is still freaking out.

"It's a rabbit! Balin, it's a rabbit." Balin was still a little shocked and barely answered him.

"Yes, it is a rabbit." Meanwhile Fíli and Kíli could no longer contain their excitement.

"Oh! Mr. Boggins is a little rabbit!" Kíli exclaims.

Fíli exclaims, "A cute little rabbit!" Thorin, finally regaining all of his composure, turns to glare at Gandalf.

"Is this your idea of a joke wizard because if it is, it is not funny."

"This is no joke Thorin. Why don't we go inside, have some supper, and everything will be explained."

Thorin huffs before answering, "Fine. We'll go inside but I want answers."

Gandalf smirks a little before replying, "And you will get them but first, supper." Turning to Bilbo he addresses him.

"Bilbo, if you wouldn't mind leading the way."

Bilbo nods, "Of course Gandalf. If you'll follow me, I'll lead you to the food." Turning towards the door he steps on a mechanism that will open and close the door for him so he doesn't have to rely on anyone else all the time and leads them inside. He can hear the ones named Fíli and Kíli whispering something about keeping him and the one named Ori whispering about knitting him a little sweater. He ignores them and continues on before finally stopping before the dining room.

"If you'll just pick a seat and sit, we can begin eating." One by one the dwarves pick a seat with Thorin at the end towards the hall, Gandalf next to him, and everyone else filling in after that. Bilbo makes sure they are all seated happily before heading towards the only unoccupied chair to hop on the table. As he is hopping towards his destination, a pair of hands manages to grab him and haul him up into the air. Feeling frightened he closes his eyes and waits for the movement to stop. Once he is still he opens his eyes to see who is holding him. It's Kíli of course, he hadn't heard him get up. Fíli, meanwhile, is chastising him.

"Kíli, I told you to ask before you picked him. I'm sure you just scared him to death."

"Well, he moves really fast Fíli. I didn't want him move away before I could ask." Looking sheepishly at Bilbo he apologizes.

"Sorry Mr. Boggins, we just wanted to ask if you would sit by us. You move so fast though and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to ask and Fíli, Ori, and I have some questions and we were hoping you would answer them." Once his heart has slowed down, Bilbo stares for a moment. He can see Fíli sitting nearby with an empty chair next to him where Kíli had been sitting and Ori on the other side of the empty chair next to Dori.

"I accept your apology and I wouldn't mind sitting by you three. I'd be happy to answer your questions. Now, please sit down and put me down on the table. I'm not terrible fond of being up so high, even if someone is holding me. I've been dropped one too many times to be comfortable with it." (The little hobbit children of the Shire loved any opportunity to hold Bilbo and pet him. Usually he doesn't mind but quite a few of the children have dropped him by accident, resulting in many bruises and a few broken bones.)

"Oh! Of course Mr. Boggins." Kíli rushes towards his chair and sits down before gently setting Bilbo on the table. Bilbo shakes himself before turning towards the three youngsters; he doesn't feel like enduring the curious stares of the others at the moment. Ori is looking at him shyly while Fíli and Kíli look like they can barely contain their excitement.

Ori shyly asks, "Mr. Baggins would you like something to eat?"

Bilbo smiles at him, "Yes Ori, thank you. Any of the vegetables will do." The three quickly gather a few vegetables for him to eat and got some food for themselves while they are at it. They eat in silence for a few minutes before any of the youngsters get up the courage to ask a question. No surprise, it's Kíli who asks the first question. Of course it's around a mouthful of food.

"Mr. Boggins, how did you become a rabbit?" Fíli and Ori both choke on their food at the bluntness of his question. They had planned on asking some others first before asking that one. Bilbo meanwhile looks at Kíli, not amused with him talking with his mouth full.

"Manners Kíli. Swallow your food before you talk or you'll end up choking." Bilbo chastises. Kíli looks at him sheepishly and blushes, "Sorry Mr. Boggins."

Bilbo smiles before continuing, "Now, as for your question, I've been this way for as long as I can remember. I don't remember a time before being a rabbit." He doesn't realize that as he answers the question, the other dwarves are watching and listening to him. Ori stares at him curiously.

"What about your parents?" he asks. Bilbo sighs realizing they thought that this was his parents' home.

"I don't remember them. I had been wondering the shire for a few years when the couple who lived here took me in. They didn't have any children and just treated me like their son and gave me their last name. Before they died they left me Bag End, which displeased some of their relatives who really wanted the place. Thankfully most of the other hobbits are rather pleasant towards me and help me out whenever I need it." Once he was done answering the other dwarves quickly go back to their conversations to hide that they had been listening. Trying to lighten the mood, Ori begins asking him about hobbits and Bilbo happily answers the questions.

Once dinner is done Thorin goes outside to smoke his pipe and think. Bilbo has hopped down from the table and begins hopping towards the pantry to see if there was anything left that could go bad and have the dwarves consume it tomorrow if there was. Gandalf stops him to talk.

"Well, want do you think so far Bilbo?"

"They seem like a lovely bunch, some of them are a bit intimidating though."

"Yes they are but once you get to know them that feeling will go away."

"I'm sure. Gandalf, are you going to tell me about this quest?"

"Soon Bilbo. Once Thorin rejoins us we will explain everything."

"Is there a chance they might be able to help me lift my curse on this quest?"

"Maybe. We would have to see as the quest progressed."

"Alright, but what will my role be?"

"That will be explained soon Bilbo, just have patience." Bilbo huffs after Gandalf says this. As they're talking Ori approaches with his plate.

"Excuse me, but what should I do with my plate?" Before Bilbo can answer, Fíli appears beside him.

"Give it here Ori." he says and takes the plate from Ori and proceeds to toss it down the hall to Kíli. Kíli tosses the dish towards the kitchen. Bilbo, meanwhile, is beginning having a panic attack because that was his "mother's" West Farthing pottery they are tossing around and he says as much. Four of the dwarves at the table begin clinking the silverware together. He's afraid they will damage it.

"Could you not do that, you'll blunt them."

"Ooh. Did you hear that lads? He's says we'll blunt the knives." Bofur says. The dwarves then proceed to sing about doing horrible things to his stuff and things he hated. As they finish singing, Bilbo manages to get up on the table and see a neat pile of clean dishes sitting there and the dwarves laugh. Thorin comes back in and immediately they stop. Thorin looks at them before sighing and rolling his eyes and then sits back down.

"I believe I was promised an explanation."

Gandalf sighs, "I believe you already got one when Fíli, Kíli, and Ori where asking questions but I'm sure Bilbo will be willing to explain again." Thorin huffs but nods. "I also believe that Bilbo deserves an explanation of what this quest entails exactly." As he is saying this, he pulls out a map and begins explaining about a solitaire peak to the east. Bilbo is sitting near Gandalf and can see what the map says.

"The Lonely Mountain." From there the discussion goes to signs, dragons, hidden doors, and keys.

"The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth and no small amount of courage." Gandalf says and as he says this he looks towards Bilbo. Bilbo stares back and Gandalf continues.

"But if we are clever and careful, I believe it can be done."

"That's why we need a burglar." Ori realizes. Bilbo is examining the map as Ori says this and speaks up.

"Hmmm, and a good one too. An expert I imagine."

"That's where you come in Bilbo. You will be our burglar." Gandalf says. The dwarves stare at Gandalf like he's lost his mind. Bilbo is beginning to panic.

"Me? No. No, no, no, no. I'm not a burglar. I'm rabbit. I can't have possibly stolen a thing in my life.

Balin sighs and says, "I'm afraid I have to agree with Mr. Baggins. He's hardly burglar material, especially with being a rabbit." Bilbo nods his head, agreeing with him.

Dwalin finally speaks, "Aye. The wild is no place for a little rabbit like him who can neither fight nor fend for himself." Bilbo just agrees with him while the others begin to voice their opinions too, arguing amongst themselves. Gandalf watches them argue for a moment before he begins to rise from his seat, causing shadows to form around him.

"Enough! If I say Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he is. Hobbits and rabbits are remarkable light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most if they choose. And while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of dwarf, the scent of a hobbit and rabbit is all but unknown to him which gives us distinct advantage." As Gandalf is talking, Bilbo tries to interrupt but can't. Gandalf slowly sits down, talking to Thorin.

"You ask me to find the fourteenth member this company and I have chosen Mr. Baggins. There is a lot more to him than appearance suggests and he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know, including himself." He looks to Bilbo as he sits on the table and then looks back to Thorin. "You must trust me on this."

"Very well." Thorin says. "We'll do it your way." At this Bilbo tries to protest again but is still ignored. "Give him the contract." Balin stands and hands the contract to Gandalf so he can help Bilbo read it, telling him what's in the contract. Gandalf picks him up and puts him down in the hallway with the contract unfolded and then sits back down. As Bilbo is reading, Thorin stands closer to Gandalf and speaks.

"I cannot guarantee his safety." Gandalf nods and replies, "Understood." Thorin continues, "Nor will I be responsible for his fate." Gandalf pauses for a moment before answering, "Agreed." Meanwhile, Bilbo has gotten to the part of the contract where it talks about payment and continues on down, reading out loud.

"Present company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by or sustained as a consequence thereof, including, but limited to lacerations...evisceration...Incineration?"

Bofur replies, "Oh aye. He'll melt the flesh off your bones in a blink of an eye." Bilbo moves away from the contract and starts hyperventilating a bit. Balin concerned asks, "You alright laddie?" Bilbo breathes out some air before replying, "I feel a bit faint." Bofur continues on with his description, "Think furnace with wings." Bilbo says, "Air. I need air." Bofur continues, "Flash of light, searing pain, then poof. You're nothing more than a pile of ash." They're all watching Bilbo now. He breathes in and says, "Nope." Then he faints, rolling onto his side.

Gandalf says, "Oh, very helpful Bofur." He gets up to make sure Bilbo is alright, carrying him to a chair and putting him in it. After Bilbo wakes up, he calmly sits there for a while thinking about it. He looks up at Gandalf and asks him a question.

"Gandalf, can you promise that we'll find a way to lift my curse on this quest?"

Gandalf replies, "No I cannot, but if you're willing we can still try." Bilbo contemplates his answer before asking other question.

"Can you promise I'll come back safe?"

Gandalf answers, "No. But if you do, you'll never be the same."

"Right." Turning to Balin who has picked up the contract, he speaks to him. "If you could just leave the contract on the table, I'll sign it later." Tonight is a full moon so he'll temporarily be able to do things like that.

Balin stares at him for a moment before answering, "As you wish Mr. Baggins." He then places the contract on the table and walks towards Thorin. Thorin is staring at Bilbo incredulously. He didn't want to take this rabbit on the quest with them. He wanted a real burglar. He had hoped that in giving the rabbit the contract it would read it and be too scared to come with them, wizard's choice or not. Now it appeared that the rabbit would be coming after all. Once Balin is close enough, he begins complaining quietly to him about it.

"How is he going to sign the contract? He's a bloody rabbit for Mahal's sake! I swear, Gandalf has finally lost it. Bringing a rabbit on a serious quest like this."

Balin sighs, "Thorin, he must have a good reason for choosing Mr. Baggins. We just have to trust him on this."

Thorin huffs, "The only reason the rabbit is coming is because he's hoping we'll find a way to lift his curse. He's not doing this to help us." He storms off towards Gandalf to give him a piece of his mind before Balin can reply. As they're talking Bilbo can hear Thorin constantly calling him the Rabbit. He's outraged because he has a name and plans on making sure Thorin knows that. He backs a good way from Thorin and then runs towards his leg. Using his momentum he plows into the back of Thorin's knee, making Thorin fall down onto his front. As Bilbo is doing this he shouts, "Don't call me a Rabbit! I have a name, use it." He hops away from Thorin as the other dwarves and Gandalf laugh at him. Thorin gets up and quickly glares at Bilbo. Bilbo glares right back and before Thorin can say anything, Fíli and Kíli come to his rescue.

"Mr. Boggins, will you show where some extra bedding is?" asks Kíli.

"Yes." Fíli says. "We were thinking of bedding down soon." Bilbo smiles up at them.

"Of course boys, but there are guestrooms some of you can stay in for the night. The rest can bed down by the fire if they wish. Follow me and I'll lead you to the extra bedding." He sends one last glare Thorin's way before he begins hopping down the hall with the boys following. Balin has pulled Thorin aside and is trying to calm him back, reminding him that Bilbo is now part of the company and he can't kill and skin him. Down the hallway, Fíli and Kíli talk to Bilbo.

"You should be more careful Mr. Boggins. Uncle was ready to skin you and make a new glove or something with you."

"Yes. You were lucky we saved you from his wrath." The uncle statement has caused Bilbo to pause. He stares up at the two.

"Thorin is your uncle?"

"Oh yes. Our mother is his sister."

"Hmm. Well I can see a bit of resemblance between you." With that he continues on. He finally stops in front of a closet and opens it with another mechanism just like the one for the front door.

"Here we are. Grab as much of it as you want. Just make sure that it's folded and put back in the morning." The boys quickly grab as much as they can and turn to go back down the hallway. As they're walking Fíli asks a question.

"Mr. Baggins, is that offer of a room still good?"

"Of course. There are enough rooms that everyone could be in one as long as they don't mind sharing a bed with someone else."

"Excellent. Kíli and I won't mind sharing one. We'll talk to the others and let you know who wants one and who doesn't."

"Alright." They arrive where everyone else is lingering and they all quickly discuss the sleeping arrangements. None of the dwarves have a problem with sharing a bed for the night because soon it will be one of many things they won't have on the trip, real beds. Bilbo shows them where they can stay and then quickly hops off to his room so he can shift from rabbit to hobbit. Once he's changed, he dresses and continues to hide in his room until the dwarves have all gone to sleep. He doesn't want them to stare because even in this form, traces of the rabbit show. He has a pair of rabbit ears on his head and a fluffy bunny tail.

The dwarves, meanwhile, have gathered around the fire and sing a song about their lost home. As Bilbo listen he decides that if he hadn't already decided to go on this adventure, the song would have moved him to go on it. They finish singing and one by one all the dwarves turn in. Once the last dwarf has turned in, Bilbo sets about packing for the journey.

_There you have it, Chapter 2. This chapter was a little harder to write but it's written. I couldn't resist writing in the dwarves singing and throwing around the dishes though. That was one of the best songs of the movie. I even managed to use the lines from Caylren's art. Like before, please comment. Let me know what you think and if you think the chapter could use some improvement._


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